Kevin Arnold's Babes

I decided last week to make my next ranking about "The Wonder Years" hero, Kevin Arnold, and his unlikely and amazing resume of lady friends. His dating resume is rivaled only by Derek Jeter and John Mayer. Then wouldn't you know, BAM! Danica McKellar a.k.a. Winnie Cooper gets married! Crazy eh? So here we go with the Rank Fu Top 5 Kevin Arnold Babes. (Side note: after writing this ranking, I feel like a total perv considering how old I am but in my defense, when I first saw these episodes I was only 10. So consider these the thoughts of me as a 10 year old)

5. Sandy

How do you get back at your older brother after years of relentless torment? Hook up with his smoking hot girlfriend. She was hot, fun to be around, and had a great sense of humor. Looks like Ol' Butthead got one over on Wayne.



4. Denise "the Grease"

I would have ranked her higher but she ended up sticking with her loser boyfriend, Frank "the Stank." You know down the road she's going to end up hating him for not letting her pursue her love of poetry. But I did like when she kept calling Kevin, Calvin.


3. Lisa Berlini

I'm not gonna lie, Kevin played this one right. Charmed her with jokes, gave her the right amount of effort, flirted via in-class notes and got her to go to the dance. Well, until Zack Morris stole here away. I'm not kidding either. Mark Paul Gosselaar played the kid who got Lisa. Just tip your cap, Kev. You got outclassed by Preppie. Not the first, certainly not the last. Just ask Mario Lopez.

2. Cara

Cara represents a lot of things. A bad ass girl. Someone not named Winnie. And most of all, the reason to go on a family vacation. I had always hoped to find a Cara on my vacations as a youth. Best I can boast is spilling a soda on a girl in an arcade in Ocean City. OK, I can't even boast that.

1. Madeline

I can't believe Kevin left this girl to go crawling back to Winnie. What a moron. She was throwing herself at him and he was just using her to make Winnie jealous. You know, maybe Madeline was just too eager. Every dude likes a chase, and Kevin for some unknown reason was having insane success in his young dating life so maybe I can understand him being so dismissive with her. Maybe her aggression led to his lack of interest. Naah, I don't buy it. He's an idiot. To me, the real "wonder" in "The Wonder Years" is that Kevin let Madeline and the rest go for Winnie Cooper. You threw it all away, Kev. You threw it all away.
By the way, according to IMDB, the actress who played Madeline was 20 years old when she was chasing Kevin, and he was 14. BALLA!
And don't forget Madeline provided us with this scene.

Honorable Mention
Miss White

OK fine, they never actually hooked up. But, you know she had a thing for Kevin and I have a thing for cougars.




Fu For Thought: The Case Against Winnie Cooper
You may have noticed I left Winnie off the list, but can anyone really disagree? Especially considering who I left off the list: Alicia Silverstone, Kelly Packard, an, ahem, *attention* getting Punky Brewster, and about a gajillion others. Besides, am I the only one who thinks Winnie got less cute in high school? She looks better now as an adult, but she seemed to lose her cuteness after junior high.

Not to mention, she kept dicking Kevin around.

C'mon Winnie. He's a person with feelings who's head over heels for you by the way. You just strung him along instead of being upfront with your feelings. To quote Dolores O'Riordan: You had him wrapped around your finger-ah-ha-ha. Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to? Do you have to? Do you have to let it linger?

Remember when he went to the country club to be with her and she didn't have the balls to tell him about her lifeguard boyfriend? It was gut-wrenching to watch Kevin find out about them by watching them kiss, especially after his triumph at the poker table. Then of course he went on to lose it all the next night. Just a downward spiral of events that all could have been prevented if Winnie were just up front with him.

A life lesson to us all: sometimes when you Winnie, you actually lose.