Cobra Kai

I had a great discussion with some friends about one of the greatest movies, "The Karate Kid." We all know that Johnny Lawrence is the top dog of the Cobra Kai dojo, but how does 2-5 go? Here's the Rank Fu Top 5 Cobra Kai's plus, since it's March Madness time, I included a tourney breakdown of Daniel's run to glory.

5. Jerry
I picked Jerry solely because he went on to become one of the finest javelin throwers in the history of collegiate track and field. In fact, I like to think Jerry and Lamar Latrell (Revenge of the Nerds) are not just played by the same actor, but they are actually the same character. Here's my theory: Jerry's father wanted him to participate in competitive sports, fearing he is a homosexual, so he enlisted him in the most macho place in the world: the Cobra Kai dojo. It is in his rigorous training that Jerry discovers he is indeed a homosexual and realizes karate doesn't fit well with his limp-wristed punching style. He continues his karate training to keep up the facade of heterosexuality and to maintain the respect of his father, but then comes out of the closet after graduating high school. Jerry then announces he now prefers to be called by his middle name, Lamar, as his old name only reminds him of painful lies and unsettling confusion. Lamar goes off to Adams College as a new man, liberated from the burden of his past.

4. Tommy
I can't stand this guy. He's a total lackey to Johnny, he sucks at karate but he still runs his mouth. He is the Damon Jones of Southern California Karate. His look in this pic says it all. He knows he's going to get his ass kicked in this match and let down his dojo. What a bitch!

3. Bobby
It's hard for me to like Bobby, the guy just can't make up his mind. I'm a bad guy, I'm a nice guy, I cheat in karate tournaments then I feel bad about it. I'll give him #3 for making the Final Four of the All Valley tournament with a decent shot at the finals if not for John Chaney-esque goon tactics from Sensei Kreese. He needs to find an identity.

2. Dutch
He's got that swagger of Dylan McKay from 90210 with the roundhouse kick of a young Chuck Norris. He's also like tennis pro David Nalbandian in that he possesses all the talent to be the All Valley champ but he doesn't have the mental edge of a true winner.

1. Johnny
No arguing this. If you do then you are the enemy and deserve no mercy. Just look at the man crush emanating from Bobby in the background. That look of admiration is only given to a leader.

Honorable Rank Fu mention:
"Dennis"

I have no idea what this character's real name is but doesn't he remind you of the fat kid from "Head of the Class"?

This Guy

This guy is pretty bad ass. Took care of business all the way to the Final Four then got beat by Johnny. You know Sensei Kreese would love to have him in Cobra Kai gear. He's looking at him in this pic like Rich Rodriguez looks at Terrelle Pryor... the one that got away.

Fu For Thought: An In-Depth Look at the All Valley Karate Championship

Who was in the committee that seeded the All Valley tournament? Most likely a former member of Cobra Kai. The guy above is clearly awesome but at BEST could have been seeded 4th. He's definitely right behind Johnny. By my deduction, The Top 4 seeds in this tourney were 1. Johnny 2. Bobby 3. Dutch 4. Awesome Guy. Dutch and Bobby could be flip flopped, but in the "You're the Best Around" montage, they show Bobby throughout, giving the impression that he's the 2 seed. The top 3 out of 128 are Cobra Kai??? It's like Dick Vitale made the seedings and Cobra Kai is Duke.

If you look back at the fight montage, you see Daniel's win over Johnny in the final is his 7th win of the day meaning the tournament had 128 fighters. Daniel walks up and signs up for the tourney that day... Shouldn't a guy who's never been in a tourney before be seeded 128??? Meaning technically he should be facing Johnny in round 1. I suppose there could have been other walk-ins.

Based on the research I've done, I would say it's most likely that Daniel was the #118 ranked fighter in the tournament. I narrowed Daniel to a certain pod and gave him the lowest seed available. I do make some assumptions: the top 4 are Johnny, Bobby, Dutch and Awesome Guy; there are no upsets, except when dealing with Daniel; this tournament is straight-forward ie no pool play or byes.

Here's how I see Daniel's road to the the All Valley Championship:

First Round- Huge upset over #11 ranked fighter, some dude who came out aggressive but fell for the old okee-doke and got caught with a kick to the bread basket. Then Daniel puts him away with an Austin Powers like Judo Chop. Weak performance for the #11 overall fighter.
Second Round- Takes out his first Cobra Kai rival, #54 ranked Jerry. In my scenario, Jerry actually won a match then mailed it in vs Daniel. I think he felt bad for Daniel because he knows what it's like to be different... explanation above.
Third Round- Beats up some Scrub Cobra Kai ranked #22 with a block and attack.
Fourth Round- Dominates #6 Tommy. Tommy is 6th???? Overrated douche. Worst. Seeding. Ever.
Quarterfinals- Edges #3 Dutch even after getting kicked right in the face.
Semifinals- Wins by DQ over #2 Bobby. Bobby then tries to turn his life around by becoming a Big Brother at the local rec center. He gets fired for assaulting some of the kids and goes crawling back to Sensei Kreese to take him back.
Finals- Survives getting his leg swept and finishes #1 seed Johnny with the indefensible Crane Kick.

Daniel basically pulled a 1997 Arizona by beating 3 virtual #1 seeds. Hell of a run, Daniel.