Good Will Hunting

I’ve probably seen the movie “Good Will Hunting” a gajillion times. I can never turn it off when it’s on TV and it’s a good flight movie. It’s smart, funny, awesome use of Elliott Smith, very quotable. I think we’ve all wanted to use that “Apples” line and not sound like a jackass. But there are a few things about the movie that have come to annoy me over the years. So here’s the Rank Fu Top 5 things that bug me about “Good Will Hunting”.

5. Will’s a dick

Will and Skylar go on their first date to a quaint little knick-knack store owned by a sweet old lady. When trying to impress Skylar, he shows her a magic trick that results in throwing a bunch of caramels on the floor. Not only does he not buy the caramels, but he makes a huge fucking mess that the sweet old lady has to clean up. What the hell, Will??? Will’s last job was as a freaking janitor too! It’s like he got sick of cleaning up other people’s messes at MIT so starts the vicious cycle of being carelessly messy at this lady's store. Dick.

4. Caramels?

While we’re on the topic of caramels, what’s with Will’s caramel line after getting Skylar’s number? Sklyar: “Hey, call me. Let’s get some coffee sometime.” Will: “Ok… or maybe we can get some caramels instead. It’s just as arbitrary.” Skylar: “Uh…. Ok…?” That should have been a deal breaker right there. He had a monumental “Gawdon Wood-Vickuhs” rant against the Harvard douche only to tear down all credibility by offering to go for caramels. The first rant was genius and timely and nailed the situation. The caramel line was a failed attempt to be observational and clever. And he already got her number! C’mon Will, you’re a genius. Act like it.

3. Asian guy

As an Asian guy, it’s often tough to watch movies. We never get cool roles. We get crap background roles like in “Good Will Hunting.” Look at the guy in this screen grab: Harvard douche’s lackey. All impressed with the “economic modalities” line and what not. C’mon man. That shit wasn’t funny, even to a nerd. Grow a sack. I can just imagine the casting for this scene. Casting guy 1: “Who would be in Harvard douche’s crew?” Casting guy 2: “Hmmm, definitely a clean-cut Asian guy with glasses.” Casting guy 1: “Yup.” By the way, why couldn’t Will run with an Asian guy? I mean seriously, if Will’s THAT smart, he’d need another intellectual guy to bounce ideas off of, right? Will’s love of math would eventually lead him to an Asian guy. (Yes, I used an Asian stereotype against my people. I’m smart enough to realize that. I could run with Will. Just sayin’.)


2. Judge’s Hair

I don’t think I have to say much about this. I’ll let the screengrab speak for itself.






1. High Five

I have a hard time believing Will would EVER give a high five after solving a math theorem let alone a whip around high five-low five combo. Gimme a break. Lambeau would do it. So would his TA bitch Tom. In fact, I could see Lambeau and Tom getting excited because they found out TI-92’s were on sale, then try to high five and miss horrendously like Tiger Woods and his caddy do after a big shot. And has anyone noticed this high five is eerily similar to the homoerotic volleyball high five from “Top Gun”? It’s like Matt Damon and Ben Affleck said, “Let’s recreate that Top Gun volleyball scene… except let’s do it for nerds.” What the Top Gun volleyball scene was for girls of the 80s, the Will-Lambeau theorem-solving scene is for gay dudes at Cal Tech. BOOM! Take that Cal Tech.

Fu for Thought

I mentioned earlier that I like to watch "Good Will Hunting" on flights. There aren't any nudity or lewd scenes that I would be embarrassed about having on my screen that someone could catch a glimpse of. Am I the only who picks flight movies based on this? I remember wanting to watch "The Wire" on a plane but I got too embarrassed about some of the sex scenes. I had to keep a quick trigger on the minimize button. Am I going overboard? I mean people should just be minding their own business and not paying attention to my computer, but for some reason I need to keep it clean. Yeah... I'm lame.